Resumania™: Employers Want Clear Content, Not Big Words

When writing your resume and cover letter, your goal should not be to send hiring managers running for a dictionary. Your main objective, of course, is to show that you warrant a job interview because you have the right skills and abilities. While showcasing your writing skills is important, you can skip the flowery verbiage and fancy five-dollar words.

Excessive formality and unnecessarily complicated sentences won’t likely impress employers. In fact, the “look-how-smart-I-am" approach often backfires. Time-strapped hiring managers typically seek clear, concise and well-organized information that is written in plain English.

These wordy job applicants left employers scratching their heads:

“QUALIFICATIONS: I am not pedantic but embrace any occasion to nurture my edification and I champion the prodigious accolades of verisimilitude expertise your client desires.”

If you say so.

“SKILLS: Able to remedy posterity and proficiency to the desired cumulus within the work arena. Once expounding upon these various constitutional elements, affinity is achieved, and I sequester the cultivation essential for yielded efficiencies.”

Does this resume come with a secret decoder ring?

COVER LETTER: “Your judgment is based upon a synthesis of your firm’s needs and your personal assessment of my abilities. Do not become intimidated with a predetermined, discrete necessity for quantitative reasoning when you search for the essential determinant.”

We’d consider your request if we understood it.

COVER LETTER: “Yes, I am different. This difference might be perceived as positive, negative or a vital and dynamic synergism melding good and bad but still unfolding a certain validity to my application.” 

About that second sentence …

“EXPERIENCE: The extremely intricate structures that lend themselves to cultural production are in their nature forever changing, morphing, pushing and pulling themselves in a field of energy.”

OK, but when are you going to tell us about your work experience?

COVER LETTER: “Abilities that purport to be intellectually defined are really only palimpsests ready to change course with the latest ephemeral trend.”

We’ll have to take your word for it.

Have you seen any good resume or cover letter goofs? Send examples to [email protected].